This evening I shocked the obnoxiously smiling grocery clerk when she asked if I had any big plans for Halloween. My answer: "Give candy to the little bastards so they won't egg my house." She stopped smiling after that.
(Normally I don't mind the cashiers and their attempts to be friendly since it's a requirement of the job -- this one is just over the top and she bugs me.)
Anyhow, for this evening's post, I'm going with two letters. Both were written on tissue paper and accompanied handmade Christmas ornaments that I received as part of a package while I was living in Germany.
Letter # 1 (from Jojo the Enforcer):
I decided I would be nice just this once and write to you on tissue paper. (Save money, of course.) By the way you better like the hot chocolate, it weighed a lot. Hope you like my present. I did it last night when mom reminded us she is mailing it tomorrow. Last night was an earthquake and me & sis were alone (mom & dad were cleaning up at the gym.) It measured a 5.0, but it was scary. On Tuesday night I get to go see the glory of christmas at the crystal cathedral. I'm going with the gym team because sue can get the tickets cheap since she is going to dance in it. Last Wednesday she was at rehearsal and one angel's cord broke. She was supposed to be 50 feet but the cable person decided to lower her and got her too low. When he tried to pull her up the cable snapped. She was 15 feet when it happened (no serius [sic] injuries.)
(P.S. Karen copied my tissue paper idea!)
And then the other letter from K-poo:
I'm writing to you on tissue paper to save money. It was Johanna's dish week on Thanksgiving. I hope it's going to be her week on Christmas. I hope you like the gift from Ubar [my budgie]. I made districts in gymnastics, as you know, and I made state too! They are having a contest in the paper about the person that can finish the story that they had in the paper the best wins $25 and thier [sic] story is printed in the paper on Christmas. Bye,
P.S. I didn't copy Johanna by writing on this!
This stuff is way funnier than anything I could come up with.