Thursday, May 21, 2009

No Bluebird of Happiness, Just the Scrubjay of Stupidity

A couple of years ago, I got home at about 11pm from yet another long day and found a scrubjay in the kitchen.

Amazingly enough in a house with seven cats and a dog, the bird was alive and well, perched on the cabinet door above the stove, about the only place in the entire house the cats couldn't get it. Since all the doors and windows were closed, I assume that it came down the chimney then couldn't figure out how to get out. Also, since it had been dark for multiple hours, it must have been sitting there for quite a while.

Anyhow, my plan to get it out of the house was to put the cats in the bedroom and close the door, open the patio door, then chase the bird out the open door. It was a great plan, but I hadn't counted on three things:

1) The stupidity of the scrubjay
2) The ancient blind dog's excitement about small flapping objects
3) Guido's ability to open all the doors

Instead of flying out the open door, the damn bird would fly straight up, hit the ceiling, and fall stunned to the floor, wait a few seconds, then do the same thing all over again. (Flap, flap, flap, THUNK, drop... flap, flap, flap, THUNK, drop...) Unfortunately I couldn't get it to fly anywhere near the door.

Meanwhile Lucy heard this going on and started chasing the bird around the living room. When she gets excited she forgets where the furniture is. (Click click click BONK click BONK click click...)

To add to the confusion, Guido kept opening the bedroom door, potentially letting all the cats outside through the open patio door, so I had to keep running back the hall, tossing him back in the bedroom, and slamming the door again. There may have been some profanity on my part at this point.

Anyhow, for about ten minutes the house sounded like:

Flap, flap, flap, THUNK, drop, click click BONK flap flap THUNK click BONK "Goddammit Guido stay in there!" flap THUNK BONK click click flap flap BONK THUNK.

I finally shooed the bird out the door.

Frankly, sometimes I find it amazing that my neighbors haven't firebombed my house to force me to move...


A Free Man said...

Your old blind dog is having quite the week! Your house sounds like a busy place with all these critters about.

Theresa B (of Nebulopathy) said...

This took place a few years ago, but yeah, it's a little chaotic here sometimes. On the other hand, it was worse when I was also bottle raising orphaned kittens.