Monday, December 14, 2015

You Can Just Take Your Jingle And Shove It!

I'm just going to say it. I hate Christmas music.

The main reason is the obvious -- musically speaking, most Christmas music is complete and utter crap. The tunes are boring, the subject is repetitive, and the arrangements are probably the real reason for the rise in adult onset diabetes. Once you add in third rate singers trying to restart their floundering careers by releasing a holiday album, it's just a melange of crap. A veritable Musischescheissesuppen, to coin and mangle a German word at the same time. (No, I didn't bother to look any of it up, so I'm guessing that I managed to get all three parts of that word wrong, but what do you want after twenty-five years?)

The fact that I live on the street where the middle school relearns the same arrangement of tunes for the holiday parade every single year does not help. And hey, nothing says "peace, love, and joy to the world" like poorly performed Christmas tunes set to a martial drum.

It also does not help that every business feels obligated to play Christmas tunes the minute the Thanksgiving turkey is off the shelves. And that's if you're lucky. I heard Alvin and the Chipmunks doing Jingle Bell Rock in October. This year has been slightly better merely because I have achieved 80% of my goal of becoming a shut-in, so I've managed to avoid most of it.

Anyhow, my grass-roots campaign to have one day a week declared "Christmas-Music-Free" is off to a slow start (possibly owing to the 80% shut-in goal). I thought the problem might be that it needed a catchier name, so I asked around. Dale had the winning entry with "Anti-Christ Afternoon" which wasn't quite what I was aiming for, but does prove yet again that my friends are much funnier than I will ever be.

So there you have it. Bah humbug!

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