Sunday, September 14, 2008

Diet of Epic Fail

It has occurred to me about once per day for the last year or so that I could stand to lose some weight. It’s not critical – if I measure my height without slouching, and measure my weight while I stand naked on the old analog scale and lean to the side, my body mass index is still within the “overweight” category. However, I’ve got a whole lot of German hillbilly peasant genes working against me here, and the prognosis isn’t great.

Anyhow, despite the daily reminder, I still haven’t lost much weight. Here’s a sample day. See if you can spot the problem.

5:45 am – Alarm clock goes off. Hit snooze a few times while the cats run back and forth over my head.
6:00 am – Get out of bed. Stumble to the kitchen, feed the cats, medicate and feed the dog.
6:10-7:00 am – Work out on the exercise bike while watching a video. (Yay, look at me go!)
7:00 am -- Eat a bagel or cereal. Take a shower and get ready for work, drive to work.
11:30 am – I’m starving. It’s time to go to lunch.
Lunch -- Eat the only vegetarian option on the menu at whatever restaurant we end up at. Eat too much because I’m so hungry, but that’s okay, right, since I worked out this morning.
1:30 pm – Pass by Robert’s stash of pretzels, oreos, and pistachio nuts. Look, I’m being good!
2:00 pm – Stop at Robert’s stash of pretzels, oreos, and pistachio nuts. It’s okay, though, since I worked out this morning.
2:30 pm – Hey, I worked out this morning, a few more pretzels won’t hurt.
3:00 pm – Damn you, Robert!
3:30 pm – Might need to work out again tonight to burn off the oreos.
4:00 pm – Isn’t it time to go home yet? I feel a little sick.
6:30 pm – Waddle out to the car and drive home.
8:00 pm – Dinner time. Oops, I ate half a pizza. That’s okay, though. I’ll just set my alarm for 5:45 tomorrow and work out in the morning…

Obviously it's all Robert's fault.


Karen said...

oops. stocked up on the frozen pizzas before I read this...

Eric said...

And here I thought you two were cooking.

rvan said...

I'm just waiting for the day that Robert reveals that he's been working on his masters and has used us freeloading programmers as his case study. There's no other reason for him to have spent so much money feeding so many people that don't need to be fed, besides his kind generosity of course. How can I request Fig Newtons instead of Oreos next time?

Eric said...

People request stuff all the time. He buys it, too.

Theresa B (of Nebulopathy) said...

At this point I'm considering it active sabotage. He's throwing his wooden shoe into the factory of my diet.
(Or I would if he wasn't such a nice guy.)