Sunday, October 12, 2014

Dear Levi Strauss & Co

Dear Levi's,

I realize that you need to give your designers something to do, and I also realize that you can't have all of them working on new "skinny" jeans to be worn by all the people who think "skinny" refers to the results and not the prerequisite.

But for the love of Zeus, could you please, please just keep them away from the 505s?

When I placed my most recent order via your website, what I wanted was some new jeans to replace the ones that have ripped so much across the knees that they have almost decapitated (de-crurated?) themselves.

That's it. Just replacement jeans that I could get through the wonder of the internet without having to go try a bunch of clothes on in the store.

What I didn't want was more decorative stitching. And I especially didn't want useless flaps on the back pockets that I can tell will curl up every time I put them in the drier. Flaps that I'm sure would require ironing if I were the sort of person to iron.

Worse yet, the useless decorative flaps that will be permanently curled in a week are fastened with the famous Levi's metal buttons. Do I need two big pieces of metal poking me in the ass every time I sit down?

Please get your shit together and leave the 505s alone.


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