Sunday, December 19, 2010

I should quit my wining...

After an exhausting day of lying around in my pajamas and reading, I showered and ran out of the house to get to my beloved Nugget (number three on my list of reasons to live in Woodland) so I have groceries for the week, and almost tripped over my realtor's latest Christmas offering on the doorstep.



(When I was planning to buy a house, I asked my friend Anna for a realtor recommendation. She gave me a name and number, then added "She sounds like a man on the phone." It's true. She does. That's really all I remember about her since it has been eight years since we last talked.)

Looking in my cupboard, one might think that I really like this wine since I appear to be stocking up on it. Other people I know have wine lockers that are holding expensive wines that are steadily turning into expensive vinegar. Not me. In reality, I just can't figure out what to do with this stuff. I think I opened the bottles the first two years, the first time to try it, the second time because I didn't believe that it could possibly have been that bad. I'm not really a wine person, so maybe that's part of the problem, but I think the bigger problem is that this stuff is just really terrible wine.

So, now my question is... what do I do with it? Any ideas? Would it make me a bad person to donate it to the drunks hanging around outside the Hotel Woodland? (Fun fact: the Hotel Woodland, our local rent-controlled apartment building down the street, has its own special symbol on the Megan's law website, indicating that there are multiple sex offenders living at the same address. Lovely.)

Is there some sort of fruity blended drink that I can make? Would vinegar made from this stuff taste even worse?

My thirty second google search turned up a way to make sangria (with fruit and triple sec), and a suggestion that bad white wine can be used for getting red wine stains out of clothing. Assuming that I (a) drank red wine, (b) spilled it on my clothes, and (c) cared enough to try to get it out, is white zinfandel considered a white wine? I believe this last question shows the true depth of my wine ignorance.

Anyhow, if anyone wants nearly a gallon of terrible wine, let me know.

9 comments:

Karen said...

Take them to parties when you don't want to show up empty handed

Theresa B (of Nebulopathy) said...

But I need to get rid of more than one ever five years.

JJ said...

I think it's more of a rose so not good for stain removal.

I have been all about playing around with alcoholic beverages lately. I made a rum cake, made limoncello, and infused tequila this year. I would love to try making sangria with it, but shipping it seems dumb considering the cost and quality of the wine. Oh, and weird Massachusetts laws prohibiting it.

Oh, I sent the mitts. They're more like oven mitts without the protective finger layer. I may have to knit you something else.

Eric said...

Make a cheap pot still and turn it all into brandy.

Theresa B (of Nebulopathy) said...

Eric: I may just wait another two years and give all of my siblings their own bottle. Then you can do whatever you want with it.

JJ: I am ridiculously excited about the glove/mittens. (Seriously!) Yeah, shipping this wine would be a bit on the silly side. Might as well ship the swill that Jeff made earlier this year.

Why does limoncello take so long to make?

JJ said...

Well, to make limoncello, you have to zest more lemons than you ever want to see in one place. It means that you will be drinking a lot of lemonade, too, because all you use for limoncello is the zest.

The zest sits in alcohol for a while so the oils can seep into the alcohol. This is what takes the longest.

After the oils are in the alcohol, simple syrup is added. If you drink it right away, it's pretty harsh. Letting it sit longer allows the limoncello to mellow out.

The mitts should arrive any time now. My friend received her present yesterday in Seattle, so I'd be surprised if they don't make it there before Xmas.

Theresa B (of Nebulopathy) said...

Okay, that sounds like a lot more work than I'm willing to do for, well, anything really. I will cross making limoncello off my list of things to do when I'm bored. Somehow I thought there was jello involved. My bad.

Karen said...

1ahem, another thursday came and went...

Theresa B (of Nebulopathy) said...

Argh! It was the last day of the work week. It felt like Friday...