Worst in Show?

So, they recently had a big dog show and this year decided some sort of terrier was the best. And by best, they mean best represents the guidelines that a bunch of breeders got together and decided would be the new goal. Then they practiced "line breeding" (which would be termed "incest" if we were talking about people) until they distorted the dog enough to match the imaginary standard.

There are other championships, of course, and some of them (eg, sheep herding) actually test the dogs' athletics, intelligence, and disposition. Those dogs are amazing.

Unfortunately I don't know any of those dogs.

However, I do know a dog whom I'd like to nominate for "Worst Farm Dog Ever". Meet Mackie.


Mackie isn't my dog, thank god. He lives out in Oakdale with all of the polo horses.

Here are his qualifications:

• Guarding: Mackie loves everyone, especially if they have food. A total stranger could walk in, steal everything in the tack room, and walk out again and Mackie wouldn't even notice. The only time Mackie ever barks is when Reba (who actually is a good farm dog) barks at people coming onto the property. Then Mackie runs over and barks at Reba.

• Herding: Mackie loves to herd the horses. Unfortunately, he always herds them away from the people trying to catch them. This gets really old when you're on foot chasing horses around on a thirty acre pasture. The horses constantly aim kicks at Mackie and there are times I wish they would connect.

• Protecting: One of Mackie's favorite pastimes is herding the newly-hatched chicks around. This drives the mother hen crazy. For a while everyone thought that Mackie was keeping the chicks from being eaten by the hawks -- then Mike caught Mackie killing one of the chicks. Somehow a few of the chicks in every group survive to adulthood. Amazing.

For all his faults Mackie's still a pretty nice dog. He's just useless as a farm dog. Oh well. At least he's neutered.