Sunday, November 29, 2009

Worst in Show?

So, they recently had a big dog show and this year decided some sort of terrier was the best. And by best, they mean best represents the guidelines that a bunch of breeders got together and decided would be the new goal. Then they practiced "line breeding" (which would be termed "incest" if we were talking about people) until they distorted the dog enough to match the imaginary standard.

There are other championships, of course, and some of them (eg, sheep herding) actually test the dogs' athletics, intelligence, and disposition. Those dogs are amazing.

Unfortunately I don't know any of those dogs.

However, I do know a dog whom I'd like to nominate for "Worst Farm Dog Ever". Meet Mackie.


Mackie isn't my dog, thank god. He lives out in Oakdale with all of the polo horses.

Here are his qualifications:
  • Guarding: Mackie loves everyone, especially if they have food. A total stranger could walk in, steal everything in the tack room, and walk out again and Mackie wouldn't even notice. The only time Mackie ever barks is when Reba (who actually is a good farm dog) barks at people coming onto the property. Then Mackie runs over and barks at Reba.
  • Herding: Mackie loves to herd the horses. Unfortunately, he always herds them away from the people trying to catch them. This gets really old when you're on foot chasing horses around on a thirty acre pasture. The horses constantly aim kicks at Mackie and there are times I wish they would connect.
  • Protecting: One of Mackie's favorite pastimes is herding the newly-hatched chicks around. This drives the mother hen crazy. For a while everyone thought that Mackie was keeping the chicks from being eaten by the hawks -- then Mike caught Mackie killing one of the chicks. Somehow a few of the chicks in every group survive to adulthood. Amazing.
For all his faults Mackie's still a pretty nice dog. He's just useless as a farm dog. Oh well. At least he's neutered.

9 comments:

Richard said...

Wow. An in-focus picture of wildlife. Not what I was expecting to find tonight. Next thing you'll be sharing recipes for cooking with olives.

jeff said...

Every time I feel old and crotchety, all I have to do is come here. Wow, suddenly I'm feeling better...

Maybe Mackie was picking out the best of the chicks, the one most likely to survive. Or she was picking out the ones that tasted the best. Who knows?

Theresa B (of Nebulopathy) said...

Rvan, I'm not really sure that Mackie is considered wildlife. The best part of the picture is the horse that is sticking his tongue out at the camera. But, yeah, it's pretty much in focus.

Jeff, maybe the slow chicks are the best ones. I think that was the theory in high school. And you are old and crotchety. Or at least older than I am.

jheeder said...

What about lifting his leg on the hay??? I love the photo. He is so happy all of the time.

Theresa B (of Nebulopathy) said...

Ah, yes, to top it all off, I caught him peeing on a bale of hay over the weekend. Maybe that's why some of the horses are skinny...

jeff said...

Leave it to jheeder to find the positive side of things. Well done.

Theresa B (of Nebulopathy) said...

Heeder really is the male version of Pollyanna. It's true.

jeff said...

That's funny since I always thought Pollyanna was pejorative but after reading the wiki, I realize that it's anti-pollyannish to think so.

Theresa B (of Nebulopathy) said...

Perhaps "Pippa Passes" is more accurate.