Sunday, March 15, 2009

I Drink Alone

Although many people agree that George Thorogood sang a kick-ass song about drinking, few people have publicly recognized the wisdom within. I'm not advocating full-blown alcoholism to the point of making your liver beg for mercy, but there are some reasons to drink alone:

1) No possibility of a DUI. And no need to designate a driver. In fact, if you fall off your chair, you can stay on the floor without any interference until you feel like getting up.

2) Nobody will be trying to put food coloring in your drink. Grow up people -- it's beer, not Play-doh.

3) You'll never hit on a gorgeous person while drunk only to find out they're hideous in the morning. Or if you do, you're already married to them and it's not going to matter.

4) Clean bathrooms. Think about it -- when you drink at most bars you've had a diuretic that also impairs judgment, and you still don't want to use the bathroom.

5) No need to worry about getting drunk and telling someone what you really think of them (unless you're a drunk-dialer, in which case I can't help you).

6) 'Cause I prefer to be by myself.

So there, six solid reasons to support the Home Intemperance Union. Join us, won't you?


Meg said...

I drink alone too, but sometimes at the bar in the pub. I'm just glad I know how to text message on my phone--it seems less pathetic if I look like I'm waiting for someone.

Theresa B (of Nebulopathy) said...

Luckily it's harder to really dig yourself a hole when texting versus dialing... And those simple games that they load on the phone are probably more interesting when alcohol is involved.