Thursday, October 2, 2008

Worst Inventions

I think Jane Austen said it best when she wrote “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single person in possession of a speaker phone, must be in want of a whole group of people stuck in neighboring cubicles to listen to his conversation at the maximum volume.”

Today’s topic is, of course, worst inventions of all time. I can’t decide the absolute worst, but I have some strong contenders:

1) Speaker phones: Let’s face it, these things are just annoying. Whether it’s at work, where people use speaker phones because they’re too lazy to pick up the headset and the poor people working around them be damned, or at home, where the person on the other end is yelling because you just can’t tell if anyone is out there hearing you, speaker phones are the invention of the devil. I hereby promise to hang up on anyone who puts me on speaker phone without having a really, really good reason.

2) Advertising for “bebe”: This company has owned the rights to a bus stop wall near the freeway for at least six years. In all that time, I’ve often noticed the ads since the pictures are quite striking. However, every time I see one I think “That looks really stupid”. Honestly, these clothes don’t make a person look attractive, much less sexy. Now obviously I’m not their target market (since I would never wear clothing that revealed that much skin, even to a Halloween party), but I find it interesting that even if I wanted to buy something, I wouldn’t know where to get it. I’ve never seen that brand in the mall stores, and I’ve never seen a bebe boutique. Do they really sell anything?

3) Packaging for socks: I bought a six-pack of socks at Target. The package is reclosable, and they put that as a selling point on the package. Why? To keep my socks fresh?

4) The new Wheezer song: I don’t remember them always being this bad. I think I even own an earlier album. But this “song” is making me turn off the radio. Sample lyrics: “I’m a troublemaker, Never been a faker, Doing things my own way, And never giving up. I’m a troublemaker, Not a double taker, I don’t have the patience, To keep it on the up.” I have the feeling that someone gave them a rhyming dictionary for Christmas and they couldn’t quite figure out how it works. Not since the very last Cranberries album have I heard lyrics this awful.

5) HD TV: Let’s be honest, the problem with TV isn’t that the picture isn’t sharp enough, it’s that the content is crap. I don’t need to see bad acting in perfect clarity. Half the time I’m not wearing my glasses anyhow…


Did I forget anything?

10 comments:

jeff said...

1) As opposed (not like thumbs) to your facebook buddies, the ONLY THING I MISS about living by the bart station is the bebe ads.

2) Your answering machine has to be on the list. It. sucks. majorly. like. a. $1000. kirby. vacuum.

3) stents. (don't seem to work, look it up)

4) Robot toys. k-poo: this is an opportunity for you.

5) Space shuttle. Why the eff do we keep all those floridians employed? They're all gonna 'accidentally' vote for the wrong guy/gal anyway...

jeff said...

suffrage, women. You know what happened then: prohibition.

Theresa B said...

My answering machine has had no messages left on it since we plugged it in recently. But I agree, it sucks. That shall be added to the list both in specific and in general.

Stents have their place, but they are not a panacea.

If we get rid of the space shuttle, what are we going to be able to chant "we're number one" about?

A little prohibition never hurt anyone. Except all the people harmed by the mob. And it probably cut down on diseases with the whole "The lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine" campaign. Another ten years of prohibition and mononucleosis wouldn't have survived.

jeff said...

baby-on-board signs

lizardga said...

Now Theresa, when was the last time you were actually in a mall? I'm pretty sure there is a bebe in every mall (not that I shop there, I think the sizes run in the negatives, but at least I know they exist). And complain all you want about TV but I know you love certain shows. HD makes all that blood in Dexter muh crisper and more lifelike. Besides who wants reality TV in anything other than high def?

Although come to think of it, some people might actually put reality TV on your list...

jeff said...

spurtle. (yip yip).

If you're not theresa or rvan, look it up.

Theresa B said...

Liz -- actually, reality tv was already scheduled to be included in part two.

I swear I've never noticed a bebe store in the mall. And I've been to a mall within the last few years, I think. But I'll ake your word for it. Next challenge: has anyone every met anyone who bought something there?

My mac screen only has so many pixels. HD isn't going to magically produce more. If you can be hooked on Dexter when watching on an ipod, you probably don't need it in HD. Really. As long as the body parts are recognizable, who cares if you can see individual tendons?

Jeff -- I didn't include the spurtle since it wasn't a bad invention, it's just become obsolete. Unlike my new takoyake pan...

Eric said...

Leaf blowers. I mean, really, have so many ever been annoyed by so few?

Karen said...

I apologize for not reading this sooner. I have been to many Bebe stores. They have many, many beautiful things. I only resist buying anything b/c their beautiful things are very expensive and Forever 21 can usually produce knock-offs in about three weeks. However, yes, I have friends who don't resist.

How has HD RADIO been left off this list???

Theresa B said...

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! My sister has a "friend" who has bought Bebe items. Wow.

HD radio -- I guess I haven't commented on it because I don't know anything about it. It sounds like it's just more channels, but I haven't heard any claims that it actually sounds better. And would I be able to tell on my Honda speakers? And what _is_ the sound of one hand clapping (while on eastbound 80 going over the torn up road at 78 mph)?