(This post started as a Slack conversation I was having with some friends and it made me laugh so much that I had to save it for posterity. My friend Hilary came up with the title, and she was completely making fun of me at the time, but after I wrote out the rules she changed her tune. Anyhow, now it's here for everyone to laugh at.)
"How to Write Sex" by Theresa Baumgartner
Step one: Uh, make them want to have sexy times. Somehow.
Step two: Have the sexy times. Or maybe not.
Step three: How can the sexy times have caused problems? Let me count the ways!
Step four: That wasn't good enough? Wait another quarter of the book and we'll revisit this idea.
If I can't sell my fiction I think I should totally sell a book on how to write a novel...
And because I have a feeling this title is going to generate some traffic from people who don't know me... Here, oh great Internet, have a picture of my cat Guido who is not long for this world (lymphoma) but is living his best life by napping and picking fights with everyone in the household in the meantime: