Thursday, April 23, 2009

Horseshit

So the stable in Walnut Creek has a big problem. Roughly a big dump trunk sized problem. And that problem is a big old pile of... manure. Literally.

See, the hay comes in, and then the hay goes out, but in between it is transformed into some prime poop. And while hay is expensive, it turns out that you have to pay someone a whole lot of money to haul away horse manure. Or, if you can't afford that, you just keep dumping it in the arena where it composts nicely but makes very soft footing that is really hard to hit a polo ball on.

Meanwhile homeowners like me have to go to Home Depot to buy plastic wrapped manure to put in the garden. This seems a little silly.

If I were an enterprising person I would be the middleman here and make manure-loads of money. But I'm just too lazy. So instead, I entertain myself by coming up with an imaginary advertisements for my imaginary money-making business:

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Straight from the horse's a$$! (And the mules' too!)

Well-composted, shovel-ready manure available. No amount too large.

Fertilize your plants from the poop of polo champions!

From road apples to red apples!

Soft enough to land on when the horse throws you, yet gentle enough to throw around your plants.

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Anyhow, if anyone in the Walnut Creek area needs some lovely fertilizer, I know where you can get some. Cheap.

2 comments:

A Free Man said...

In Britain, where admittedly there is less suburbia and you often find a small horse farm next to a row of terrace houses, people used to put bags out for people to take. They usually asked for a bit of money on the honor system. The other thing different about Britain is that they prefer organic fertilizers to the chemical stuff. You see it here in Oz too now and again.

Theresa B (of Nebulopathy) said...

That's a pretty good system. I may try something like that -- the stable is almost at the end of a long road, but there is a fair amount of traffic since the entrance to the state park is at the end of the road. Hmm... I'll have to think about this.