G.O.A.T. *

It's been a long day and I'm sick so I'm going to cheat and post something that I wrote as a birthday present for my friend Richard, part of a series of "origin stories". It will be helpful for you to know that Richard has more cats than I do (currently), including a gray cat named Sherman. Sherman is known for getting into trouble. When you go over to their house, someone needs to be on Sherman patrol every time the front door is opened because he likes to dash outside and get chased around the neighborhood until he hides under a car.

* G.O.A.T. = Greatest Of All Time or Gray Ones Are Trouble, depending on who you are talking about.
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It was a dark and stormy night nearly fifty years ago when a meteorite fell to earth, blasting apart trees and mountains in its path. Yet it was not a meteorite at all, but a lost soul, fallen to earth.

No, this was not Richard.

This was the inkling of Sherman.

As the life force grew, the planet around him wept and wailed, for Gaia could see the path of the future should Sherman’s march remain unchecked.

In desperation the planet gathered all the elements of life together, a soup of barley, carrots, celery, a little bit of thyme, salt and pepper to taste… oh wait, wrong soup. No, the planet made a sturdy homunculus from a stout oak branch, clay from the depths of the earth, and pollen to energize it.

(The pollen turned out to be a really bad idea — the future hero’s allergies and asthma were predestined.)

As the spark of Sherman grew, moving ever closer to corporeality, so too did little Richard (no, not _that_ Little Richard, the other… oh never mind), ever gaining wisdom and strength (aside from the allergies and asthma), and when the villainous Sherman finally was made flesh, Richard was able to imprison him while he was still weak from the transition, before he could wreak havoc on mankind.

Even now Richard remains humanity’s only hope (aside from Jennifer), waiting for the inevitable escape of the Sherman the Gray, Beast of Chaos. Always watching. Always prepared.

#SecretRichardOrigins #HappyHalfCentury

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In other superhero news, what's with this mutant lemon thing? They're both from the same tree.

Also, here's the action shot that happened as I was dropping the phone...

Photography. Still not my strong suit.


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Squirrel!

I think I've mentioned this before, but when I first moved to Woodland there were no squirrels here.

It was the weirdest thing -- our motto is "City of Trees" and Davis, a mere 10 miles south of here, is overrun with the things. And yet for the first 10+ years I lived here, I only had one squirrel sighting. My neighbor told me there had been some great squirrel extermination project fifty years ago, but I refuse to believe you can semi-permanently wipe out something that leaves a niche unfilled.

What?! I haven't been running through the ivy trying to get to squirrels in the back yard!

Anyhow, all that changed a couple of years ago, and now there are squirrels all over the place. The little dog doesn't even notice them, but the big dog is obsessed. If he's seen squirrels in a particular tree within the last few weeks, we can't go by it without giving him a chance to look long and hard. (This also applies to fake deer. He's a little special.) Today he pranced all around at the end of his leash because there was a squirrel across the street, sitting on the ground, taunting him.

We pass a few infested trees during our cool-down walk after a run, and this is how I know that the big dog could go another few miles without any trouble. (I, however, cannot. Maybe if there were trees filled with chocolate or Pad Thai, but sadly we just have squirrels.)

Speaking of metaphorical squirrels, though, I had planned to pick up a prescription refill for Crow the cat today and then I got in my car to go to work and did the mental equivalent of "Look, a squirrel!" and forgot about it until it was too late.

Tomorrow is another day...

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There IS Room At The Inn

Things are looking up on the home front. I now have a new kitchen faucet and will not be forced to leave a note for my pet sitter asking her to be careful not to touch the old faucet because it might just break in half.

Corky the plumber (not his given name) finished in a couple of hours and as he was leaving said "there's no way you would have ever been able to replace those valves by yourself" then backtracked and said he wasn't disparaging my strength but instead the state of the last of the galvanized pipes that are still in the kitchen walls. Anyhow, that made me feel better about having to pay a bunch of money for this which may have been his intention.

The dogs have a place to go for the holidays (yay!). Since my pet sitter only comes by once per day, the dogs can't stay at home and even though I started the process before Thanksgiving, my dogs were on the wait-list until this evening. If they hadn't made it off the wait-list, they would have had to come with me which would have been difficult because:

• Despite being buckled in in the car, the big dog sits in such a way that he falls off the seat every time I brake.
• When comfortable in a room, the little dog barks at people driving up, which would go over really well in a hotel at night.
• Neither dog likes to be outside very long and since my parents don't allow dogs in the house they (the dogs, not my parents) would probably sit at the door and whine and bark for days on end during the daytime.
• Neither dog is particularly happy around strangers. The little dog is really bad around children (which is why I never bring her around children). I don't think there will be any small children at our gatherings this year, but I'd still have to keep a close eye on both dogs and that's not very relaxing.

Anyhow, the dogs will once again be staying in a "luxury suite" and spending their days barking in the chorus.

 Also bad travelers, but that's expected.

As part of my "taking this writing thing a little more seriously" plan, I'm going to set up my author website this week, possibly using Bluehost. I guess I should really make a decision about what name to use -- full name? first initial and last name? My full name is just too darn long. If you're reading this before Friday and you have Thoughts About This (or the website in general), let me know.

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I Wasn't Kidding

Seriously. I vacuumed up all the little pieces of styrofoam all over the house this morning, then took a shower and came back out to the living room to this.

I guess I could take it away, but they're having so much fun with it.

In other news we're reorganizing again for the... fifth?... time this year. I don't have an MBA or any desire to lead my way out of a wet paper bag, but I'm starting to think that I should start my own company just for some stability. My manager-on-paper will now have to add two new random people to our island-of-lost-toys group.

Ah well. At least my paychecks don't bounce.

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Like Herpes...

Yesterday I vacuumed up all the little bits of styrofoam that have been shredded off the big block by the cats. I just took this picture of Guido in my lap.

It really is the gift that keeps giving.

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It's a Nyet-i, Because They Really Don't Exist

Went to a get together today during which we argued about whether one should or shouldn't be forced to watch "Logan's Run", among other things. I still say it's past the point at which it just becomes a sign of masochism.

While I was there Jennifer (who knits amazing things and is an actual professional knitter) made this red and white hat for the Yeti and I realized that the pictures don't quite make the size of the lawn ornament clear. Still, the hat is cute and it fits on the gnome (or it would if his head was free standing).

In other news, today was going to be the day. Today I was going to end my procrastination of over a year and actually change out the kitchen faucet which has been slowly disintegrating since I moved in. I stopped being able to swivel the faucet a couple of years ago, and last year a big chunk of metal fell off the stem. It leaks a bit in that spot (not as much as you might think, though) when the water is on, but it doesn't leak when the water is off so I haven't been too worried.

I wasn't kidding when I said it was disintegrating.

Anyhow, I watched some YouTube videos and it looked like something I might be able to do if everything worked out, so I cleared out everything from under the sink, set up the work light, dusted off the box with the new faucet, and... I can't get the valves closed. At all. Either one.

So the valves need to be replaced as part of this. That means the water to the house needs to get shut off. And that's the point I tap out and call a professional. Plumbing projects in a 60 year old house snowball quickly, and I don't want to have to move into a hotel to take a shower because I decided to try to change out the faucet that was still working.

Anyhow, I'll call someone who knows what they are doing and has the tools to make things easier.

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The Importance of Not Knowing

There have been times in my life where I felt the need to know the answer to any question that came up, partially as a habit formed by being in school for so long, and partially to feel like everything was under control. But sometimes it's good to not know everything.

This is my local coffee shop, Morgan's Mill. (They also sell beer, wine, and some food, so I don't know if coffee shop is the right word -- I come here for the hot tea which is loose-leaf and quite good, and also the pizza waffle.) The building used to be a mill, I assume, unless there really is no truth in advertising. They have tables and couches if you really feel like slouching. Of course, this is Woodland, so they also close at 8pm most nights (and 3pm on Sunday). Oh well. You can't have everything.

In any case, there's that door at the end of one of the rooms. I've never seen it open, so there could be anything behind it, possibly even a portal to another universe. I mean, probably it's either a room that holds coffee shop supplies, or a part of the building that hasn't been renovated, which is why I've never asked what's back there. At this point the reality would be a disappointment.

This picture's also from the same room. Jeff was kind enough to point out that the beam in front of the wall is a retrofit and that's probably keeping everything from falling down. Gotta love that repair, though. That's how we roll here.

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