Great Job

Because I know how much everyone loves the ongoing saga (and also so everyone is in the loop when I become unemployed for such a long time that I need to move in with someone), I offer you all the latest in my attempt to get my current job:

After a suitable pause to allow everyone in the entire chain of command to laugh about the automatically rejected application, I was told to fill out the on-line application again. But first, SomeGuyWhoWon'tBeNamed had to reopen the job since HR had already closed it. Then I had to create another login since you can only apply for a specific job once. And then I had to answer all the questions again.

When you answer the question "Are you willing to relocate?" with "No" (since there was no "Hell no" option), why would it then force you to answer "What is your first choice of location?" and also "What is your second choice of location?"? It wouldn't even let me make the same choice for both.

So, there we have it, everything was all submitted. Again.

And then it was automatically rejected. Again.

However, it turns out that SomeGuyWhoWon'tBeNamed was able to unreject the rejection somehow. So then we had the interview. We'll just say that between the attention-deficit challenged pair of us, half of the questions asking about my current boss, SomeGuyWhoWon'tBeNamed needing to write down every answer at the speed of a cold tortoise, me having no idea how to answer any of the questions, and SomeGuyWhoWon'tBeNamed telling me every time that I did come up with an answer that there was a better answer, the interview just confirmed my feelings that I am unemployable.

The technical part went better, which is funny because that's where I really don't know anything unless I can google it.

Anyhow, as I was lying in bed on Friday morning, the HR person called to set up the screening interview. Because why would we do anything in the proper order? Unfortunately, the cats took the phone ringing as a sign that it was time to loudly complain about the lack of food. It's always very professional to have multiple cats howling in the background as you answer the phone.

So, yeah, I have the screening interview tomorrow.

I'm pretty sure I can retire on my savings if I move to Nepal.

(Edited to hide the pseudonym of SomeGuyWhoWon'tBeNamed who "values his lifelong position here".)

Unprepared

Every once in a while I realize that I missed some important class in becoming an adult. For instance, I've lived in this house almost ten years, and for ten years I've been meaning to buy a kitchen table. I still don't have a kitchen table.

I have a picture in my head of the type of table I want (rectangular, all wood, one solid piece, square legs), but as to how to find that sort of thing, I have no idea. So I just don't have a kitchen table.

I have a couch that is pretty much the definition of a bio-hazard. It was mostly okay when I got it (from my brother) but it was already at least ten years old at that point. I've had it another ten years, and a few of those years the couch served as the dog bed for the blind, occasionally-incontinent wonder dog. Scooter has also had his way with that couch. I don't sit on that couch. It's just taking up space in the living room. But buying a new couch and getting rid of the old one requires a level of planning that I just don't possess. That was in the Becoming An Adult 101 class as well.

I have a television that I haven't plugged in for three years. I never bought a digital converter box, so even if I wanted to use it I couldn't. I'd throw it out or take it to e-waste, but I can't lift it, so it will sit in the (unused) entertainment center with the (unused) DVD player and (unused) stack of CDs until either the house burns down or someone else moves in.

Is this why people get married?

I Love 'em Like Brothers

Rvan and Jeff were in Texas at some management meeting earlier in the week (I know, the fact that they sent Jeff to one of these things is funny all by itself), which gave Rvan and his boss and her boss yet another chance to giggle about the fact that HR rejected my application.

Jeff won his own heavy glass weapon award for complaining the most. Or maybe it was for outstanding leadership. We'll just say it's for something I'll never be qualified for.

One of the highlights of Jeff's trip was spending too much time in the hot tub and then realizing the next morning that he didn't know where his (only pair of) shoes were. Luckily the hotel staff kept better track of his stuff than he did.

In the meantime, Eric has been trying to tell me the joys of the Korean soap operas dramas that he's been watching lately. Apparently it's just bad luck to be a cute, non-obnoxious child in a Korean drama. Also, the suitable male doctor in the love triangle ("and there's always a love triangle") never gets the girl.

Eric told his Korean friend what he was watching and her response was "You should come to Korea and watch the dramas with the rest of the grandmothers."

You have to love stuff like this.

It may not be a coincidence...

I spent about five hours implementing a Rube Goldberg-esque solution to the problem of Microsoft Outlook lacking features developed in the 80s, so while my brain was relaxing I noticed something interesting on Facebook...

In the right sidebar (which I usually don't even look at), it has two pages recommended, the first of which is "Dancing". Now I'm not really sure why I would "like" a page for something so generic as dancing, but apparently almost 12,000,000 people have. Whatever, I thought, some people will "like" anything.

Directly below it was the "Sponsored" section with an ad from Starbucks, home of the "nothing under five hundred calories" drink. I haven't been to a Starbucks in probably about two years -- I don't really drink coffee and I found everything they sold to be overpriced (okay, fine) and too sweet. It was that latter bit that really blows my mind. I've had three boxes of Good & Plentys in the last week, so clearly a little processed sugar doesn't bother me, but every time I've had food from Starbucks I've taken a few bites and thought "wow, this is too sweet even for me". (And then, I'll be honest, I've finished it anyhow because that's what I do, but still.)

Anyhow, over 28 million people have "liked" Starbucks.

That pretty much explains a lot of things...

Soon the CEO will be calling...

In case I didn't believe that the whole world was conspiring to laugh at me already:

Today my boss (Rvan) got to chuckle with his boss' boss about the fact that my application to be hired for the job I already do was rejected by HR.

Paranoid? Me?

Never.

Mamma Mia Suck-a

Okay, so I make fun of Jeff not being able to get out the door with everything he needs to ride home every day, and yet every time I feel like watching a movie I can't remember the name of any movie that I thought might be good to see. I watch fewer than ten movies a year, and I know more than that come out every year where I see the trailer and thing "Hm, maybe I'll watch that when it comes out on iTunes." However, my hash table is essentially one direction, so I can't get information when I want to get a list of movies that I had that thought for.

Anyhow, while browsing through stuff on iTunes yesterday I saw Mamma Mia, The Movie. I'm not a huge fan of musicals, but this movie had a cast full of people I've liked in other roles (Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried, Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth) and while it's a tad embarrassing to admit, I sort of like some ABBA songs.

Wow. That's the first time I've gotten through a movie with a run time of 1:48:36 in less than an hour. After about twenty minutes I started skipping forward to see if it got any better. It didn't. The actors all seemed vaguely ashamed. The scenery wasn't that great. Even the extras seemed to realize how bad this thing was.

I don't know. Maybe I'm not the target audience. Maybe it worked out better as a stage production. Maybe they should have made Colin Firth lose some weight and his shirt. Anything would have improved this clunker. I swear some of my friends have recommended this movie in the past.

This is why I watch bad action films instead. At least I know what I'm getting into before I waste two hours of my life.

Forget It

You know, they say that exercise keeps the brain sharp, but whoever did that study didn't interview Jeff.

He rides his bike to work almost every day it isn't raining.

And every day when it's time to go home, he changes back into his shorts, puts on the funny biking shoes, and grabs his helmet, backpack, and gloves (covered with duct tape to make them resist the wind better) and then walks out the door with his bike. Or, that's what he tries to do.

Instead, at least 50% of the time, he leaves and then I hear the doors reopen and he walks back to his cubicle to get whichever of the things he's left behind. Usually it's his gloves, but sometimes it's his helmet, or his backpack, or his shoes, or his phone, or pretty much anything that isn't actually attached.

It's gotten to the point where I start naming items he might have forgotten as he walks his bike past my cubicle towards the door, sort of like a weird game of bingo, but I have yet to name the item he's forgotten before he leaves.

Ah well, he's always been good for a laugh...