Instant Communication (or lack thereof)

Snippets from the first day back at work…

I spent the day trying (unsuccessfully) to log on to Outlook to read my email. The rest of the day was spent trying to get specifications for the project for which I was hired, talking to everyone who came by to say hello, instant messaging my boss (rvan) since I couldn't email him, and going out to lunch.

Actual instant messaging text:
Theresa
You should be able to see this, you dork.
This message cannot be delivered to all recipients; one or more recipients are offline or do not want to be disturbed:
Theresa
Are you paying attention now?
Rvan
Tofu eater.
Theresa
Speak for yourself!
Rvan
***-****-**** is the IT support line
Theresa
Okay, thanks.
Do I dial 9 to get out?
Rvan
Only if you want it to work.
Rvan
[Two lines of actual work information edited to avoid publishing trade secrets...]

Theresa
okay.
The IT support people are supposed to call me back between 9 and 15 minutes (and that was almost 20 minutes ago...)
Rvan
And why did I save calling them as a last resort?
Theresa
You so smart!
Rvan
It's the soy.
Theresa
Hey, do I have voice mail?
Rvan
[Admin assistant] is supposed to set up telecom for you. She might need reminding.
Theresa
Yeah, that would be a no, not yet...
Rvan
Delayed success, not pending failure.
Rvan
[Gives web page that has some information about current project]
The explanation is in your email inbox.
Theresa
Is that a joke?
Rvan
Many things around here are jokes but aren't funny.
Try this:
Theresa
Try this, what?
Rvan
What what?
Theresa
You wrote "Try this:"
Rvan
An imposter, I would surely never type that.
Theresa
Liar, liar, pants on fire...
So do we have an ETA for the XYZ/123 and primary usage data?
Rvan
Don't ever trust management.
Don't bring the Basque separatists into this. It was an honest mistake.
Theresa
Is that a yes?
Rvan
[Person responsible for getting data] has either left or is stuck somewhere else, like in Michele's office. I'm trying to run it myself.
Theresa
I just realized I have no drawers or filing cabinets. I better never need to store anything...
Rvan
Overheard cabinets.
Overhead cabinets.
Theresa
You overheard the cabinets say what?
Rvan
Keep your drawers shut.
Theresa
Thanks Jamie Spears


I’d just like to point out that I get paid for this stuff…