Karma Bites

So my home phone stopped working last week, or at least I noticed that it wasn't working last week. After a couple days of ignoring the problem I finally went out to get a new phone because I wasn't sure if my phone had just fallen on the hardwood floor one too many times.

First I went to the hardware store (because that's where I go to get everything, including clothes), but they don't sell telephones for some strange reason. Then I headed toward Target and realized that there was a Best Buy in the same parking lot. They're still in business. Who knew? Since it was a little after 8pm, I decided there were probably fewer people in Best Buy than Target, so I went to Best Buy. In fact, aside from a few teens camped out in the entertainment section playing games, I was the only customer. I bought the cheapest phone I could find and then waited for the clerk to figure out how to ring up the sale. I gather it wasn't something that he'd done many times before. (Again, Best Buy is actually still in business!) Then of course I had to decline the additional warranty on my $15 phone. And then I had to show my receipt to a guy standing literally five feet away who had watched the whole transaction before I could go out the door. (Why, exactly, is Best Buy still in business?)

So then I came home and plugged the phone in and it still didn't work.

The next day, following the phone company website instructions, I waded through the weeds (with foxtails and I failed to clear out even though last year I had to take my dog in to have three foxtails removed from her ears) to find the exterior jack, crouched down and cleaned out a few of the spider webs, and tried both test jacks which of course didn't work.

I went back inside to set up an online appointment to have a technician sent out. While sitting down I found that while I was crouched in the weeds, a bunch of foxtails had attached themselves to the seat of my jeans and sitting on them made them poke into my butt.

The moral of this story is that procrastination will come back to bite you in the ass.

Literally.

I'm Totally a Princess of Power

So my parents are trying to get rid of everything in the house that they possibly can. One theory would be that they are just trying to declutter, but really I think they're just trying to make more space for a larger quilting setup. (My other theory involves them trying to remove all evidence of their children, but I'm pretty sure that's just the paranoia talking...)

Anyhow, among the precious treasures that they are trying to get rid of are these books which belonged to K-Poo. I think they're awesome.

I have to say that the women in this series might suffer from some anatomic... uh... wish fulfillment, but the men are just downright scary looking. They might even be prototypes for a Planet of the Apes revival.

And then there's the dialogue... "You are right, He-Man," Adora said. "Hordak is bad. The people are unhappy. How could I have been so wrong? I am as bad as Hordak."

(I didn't read the whole story, so I'm going to avoid a rant about how the woman apparently can't figure things out without a man to explain things to her... I really, really hope it isn't as bad as this page makes it sound.)

I know it's a kid's book, but that's the best dialogue they could come up with?

It turns out that there's a whole series of these things, and K-Poo had three of them.

Again, check out the male...

And again, the guy in the lower right corner...

And now for the fun extrapolation... Is K-Poo's inability to find the perfect man because she was exposed to these "humanoid" images as a child? Discuss.

Procrastinate? Me?

How am I supposed to fulfill my destiny as the laziest person on the planet when nobody else in my writing group has submitted anything for this week's meeting?

Because of this, I was forced to finish the short story I've been working on ahead of schedule, and that was after a day of mowing the lawn and trimming weeds. (Note of honesty: I only mowed the back lawn because my nearly seventy year old neighbor mowed my front lawn as thanks for borrowing my mower, although I did say that he didn't need to do that...)

But all of this means that I haven't sent the cards that I was supposed to send over the weekend. Okay, actually I was supposed to send some of them before the weekend.

So if, say, you had a birthday or anniversary this week (or even possibly yesterday), your card might possibly be a little late. Hypothetically.

But enjoy the holiday anyhow!

Containers of Ripley

Look, it's a pot full of Ripley

And a box full of Ripley

And that's all you get because I'm a boring person.

Well, at least I got one thing done

It's April, which means it's time for Camp NaNoWriMo, and so far I've been slacking. The weather has been nice, work has been really busy, and I just haven't been feeling motivated. But someone has finally been kidnapped (fictionally, of course), so maybe things will start going faster.

Here is the view from the outdoor writing area:


And the other direction:


The only drawback is bugs. How can the world support so many insects? It's crazy.

Anyhow, knowing that I'll be tired and writing until all hours of the night all week, I did my taxes today. That's three days early! They've only been kicked back to me once so far. And if anyone ever complains that my error messages are hard to understand, this was in the email I got from the IRS the first time through:

Here's the reason for the rejection:


Issue      : Business Rule X0000-005 - The XML data has failed schema validation. cvc-enumeration-valid.  Value '0' is not facet-valid with respect to enumeration '[F4029, F4361, EXEMPT-NOTARY, EXEMPT COMMUNITY INCOME]'. It must be a value from the enumeration.

The following information may help you determine the form at issue:
Field/Xpath: /efile:Return[1]/efile:

ReturnData[1]/efile:IRS1040[1]/efile:SelfEmploymentTaxAmt[1]



If you are unable to fix the issue, you will have to print the return and file by mail.

Luckily I write software for a living and thus could extract the important information -- I needed to check the field on the form that had something to do with self-employment. (There was a field, I put a zero in it, and apparently it was supposed to be blank. Totally not obvious.)

Anyhow, I have finished my taxes, and that's the important thing.

When You Have Nothing To Say... Add Pictures

Just in time for Easter, my tulips bloomed!

Of course, a few days after those pictures were taken we had a windy night and now all of the flowers are just bare stalks. I don't think they're coming back after three days, either. Oh well. They were pretty while they lasted.

Ripley says hello. Yes, there are no less than seven actual pet beds in the house and yet everyone must fight over the box. I'm sure there's a reason. Eventually Scooter will put an end to the strife by peeing on it, allowing me to get rid of the box with a clear conscience.

I'd have more to talk about, but it turns out that I missed all the excitement of the meth-head son of the people who live two doors down getting arrested at gunpoint last week. For the record, these are the people that complained to the city about my next door neighbors (legally) having chickens in their yard. I think perhaps they've been focusing on the wrong problems...

This Blog Is Making Me Rich!

Because I was bored deeply care about my blog, I googled "nebulopathy" today. Shockingly, the first thing returned was my actual blog. And then I found a bunch of sites that analyze blogs, which is where it got a little funny.

The first one said the blog had an estimated worth of $64,942.00. Let that sink in a minute. I mean, sure I started out updating this thing twice a week, but lately I've been lucky to write something once every couple of weeks. And let's face it, it's usually crap. But apparently it's still worth enough to keep me in cider and cat food for quite a while.

So I wrote my resignation letter ("Dear boss, I quit! Good luck with that Super Bowl stuff!"), but before I hit send, I looked at the next link:

Hm. $640.42. That's quite a bit different. Also, there are over twelve million blogs in the US that are better than mine. Unfortunately, that last detail convinces me that these people are probably not taking the same drugs as the first group.

Then I looked at the next link:

I mean, I live fairly frugally, but I can't survive on sixteen cents per month. Even Sally Struthers wouldn't be happy about that sort of help.

So, enjoy your week. I have to go to bed now so I can get up early and go to work tomorrow.

Damn you, Super Bowl!