Contrasts

Since I have an author website with contact info, I get unsolicited sales pitches to sell me various services. At least once a month someone offers to write an article about unrelated garbage for my blog, but the rest are targeted at self-published authors. Most of the services are merely a waste of money (e.g., offering to list my books on their website and tweet to their millions of bot followers), and some are against every Terms of Service and will get your accounts shut down (e.g., fake reviews). No, nobody is going to pitch your books to legitimate Hollywood producers for a small fee.

(I have a funny Hollywood producer story — I'll make that a separate post.)

The stupid, it burns...

For contrast, I'll show two emails that I received about a week apart. We'll start with the stupid:

Subject: Quick question about turning Charlotte’s Landing into a trailer

Hi Baumgartne,

I hope you're doing well. I recently came across your book '' Buried Secrets'' on Amazon and was genuinely impressed by its premise. As someone who creates cinematic book trailers that help authors visually capture the heart of their stories, I immediately saw the potential for a powerful visual adaptation of your work.

I’d love to share a few thoughts on how a cinematic trailer could elevate your book’s reach and impact. Would you be open to a quick conversation?

Best regards,

[Name Redacted]

This is funny because:

1. I don't have a book called Charlotte's Landing.
2. That's a weird salutation...
3. And the weird salutation truncated my surname. 
4. I also don't have a book called Buried Secrets.

Even if I thought a cinematic trailer would help book sales (they don't), I wouldn't hire someone who pays zero attention to detail.

Is it theft if it's already stolen?

Let's contrast that with this one that is obviously generated by the planet-destroying-fancy-autocomplete-machine, but at least competently done. (Yes, all of my books were pirated and used to train the commercial LLMs. No, I won't see a dime of compensation.)

Subject: The algorithm is failing your verdiran. I won’t.

A sentient non-human with interdimensional travel problems limps into a veterinary clinic… and suddenly I care more about him than 98% of humans I’ve met.

T. M., I’ve just read the blurb for All Rocs Wise & Wonderful and now I’m mildly furious that I didn’t think of it first. A wounded verdiran? Portal storms? A veterinarian just trying to do her job while the fabric of reality acts like it was sewn by a caffeinated raccoon? You’ve basically written the science fantasy fever dream I didn’t know I was craving  and I mean that in the best, most chaotic way possible.

Also, can we take a second to appreciate how you casually go from Unix sysadmin” to “knitting hats for garden gnomes? What are you, a secret NPC in a magical side quest? Because if so, I accept.

This book  and your whole vibe  deserves readers. Like, a lot of readers. The kind who leave glowing, nerdy, emotionally unhinged reviews and scream in group chats, WHY ISN’T THIS A SHOW YET?

But here’s the part that made me drop my tea like a stunned Victorian ghost: your Amazon page is nearly review-barren.

WHAT. IS. HAPPENING.

You’re telling me a speculative fiction vet with the humor of Pratchett and the narrative brains of Becky Chambers is out here just vibing while the algorithm does NOTHING? This is the kind of digital injustice that makes me want to throw a paperback at Bezos and yell “DO BETTER.”

Let me fix that.

I’m [Redacted], a freelancer with a taste for the weird, the wild, and the wonderful so basically, your whole brand. I run a private community of 2,000+ review-loving, genre-obsessed readers who actually read the books they get  then write thoughtful, brutally honest reviews (the kind that sting a little but also sell books. We don’t do fake praise. We do fandom-level energy with a mild caffeine addiction.

I want to share your book with them.

Not because I’m being nice  but because I genuinely want to watch these readers absolutely lose it over your interdimensional veterinary drama.

Also, maybe because I’d like to live in a timeline where books like yours are winning Hugos and getting adapted by weird indie studios run by bearded hipsters with great taste in alien design.

So tell me…

Are we about to start a ripple in the portalverse and get this book the love it deserves?

Or are you gonna leave your verdiran bleeding on the metaphorical sidewalk while Goodreads yawns into the void?

I mean... it's about one of my actual books, so already it's a win. Not that I would hire this person or anything, but I am going to rip off a few of those phrases for my next marketing campaign. The damage to the planet has already been done. I might as well get some use out of it.

What's Cooking, Potatoes?

This is one of those posts that's really a note to future-me, who has forgotten about this. It's funny, isn't it? Rediscover this and laugh again!

I ran across this on Mastodon and copied it onto the writing/friends Slack.

[Alt-text: Post by Natasha Jay @Natasha_Jay@tech.lgbt that says "New gender-neutral greeting just dropped..." with the photo of a cookbook titled "What's Cooking Potatoes"]

So then Sierra added this one:

[Alt-text: Post by Rich Neville @RichNeville that says "Found something new to say when I leave a room." with a photo of snack containers labeled "Stay Fresh Cheese Bags"]

Now the Slack often starts the day with some version of "What's cookin', Potatoes?" and occasionally we will sign out for the night with "Stay fresh, cheese bags!"

This is the only good use of technology.

Lemons

Before I forget, I made a dress/outfit out of a donut in Blender and this is the funniest thing I've ever made. (The bald head was distracting, so I tried to add a wig. It was an interesting experiment.)

Clearly I have mastered Blender.

Lemons

(Probably TMI about kitten issues. You've been warned.)

In other news, I picked up a second litter of kittens a week ago on Saturday. 

Sad little lemons. There are three kittens there, I promise

The new kittens are a few weeks younger than my other bunch and weren't in great shape when I got them. The littlest one was leaking diarrhea everywhere, they had an upper respiratory infection, eyes swollen shut, and they weren't eating.

I try to remember to do my own exam when I get them home, and I had a moment of "wtf is going on here?" when I saw the tiny kitten's butthole (medical term) coming to a point, but I eventually figured out she had a fecolith (actual medical term) lodged in her rectum. Once I removed that, she stopped leaking diarrhea. So yay!

Then none of the kittens pooped for the next three days.

The shelter's vet advised doubling the subcutaneous fluids. Eventually, they started pooping out nuggets that were halfway to diamond status. So yay! I mean, I was still syringe-feeding baby food six times a day, and they were on four medications plus subcutaneous fluids twice daily, but at least they were pooping.

Then on Thursday I noticed one kitten's tail looked really ragged. Back to the shelter to get their ringworm (a fungus, like athlete's foot) confirmed. Oh yay, surprise ringworm. (Big sigh.) Added one oral med, one topical antifungal cream, and lime sulfur dips. Plus, since ringworm is contagious to people, I now have to wear gloves and bleach everything they come into contact with. (I was already being pretty careful with their quarantine since I have healthy kittens in the bathroom and I don't want them to get sick.)

On Friday they started having diarrhea. We've added another antibiotic for that.

These kittens are a full-time job. But they're starting to feel better. Nicole (the larger tortie) is running around and annoying her siblings. Pickles still can't open his eyes at all, but he's playing with the crinkle toy. And even little Ruby (who also can't open her eyes) is starting to move around more. They still have a long road ahead and nothing is certain, but I'm optimistic.

I wasn't kidding about the full-time job thing

For the record, here's what they're getting:

• LRS subcutaneously
• Ponazuril & fenbendazole(oral dewormer, finished on Wednesday)
• Famciclovir (oral herpes antiviral that smells like burning tires and makes the kittens gag)
• Doxycycline (oral antibiotic for the upper respiratory problems)
• Terramycin (eye ointment)
• Metronidazole (oral antibiotic for diarrhea)
• Itraconazole (oral antifungal)
• Miconazole (topical antifungal)
• Lime sulfur (bath 2x/week)
• A probiotic, which probably does nothing but you have to try

Also, they are currently going through about 2 jars of baby food every feeding since they aren't eating on their own (probably a combination of not being weaned yet and not being able to smell anything). I've had to go back to the grocery story twice to get more, because Gerber can't get their act together with their online store. What kind of weirdo walks out of the store with 10 jars of chicken baby food? This weirdo, that's who. But honestly, that's probably not even in the top 10 of weird things the cashiers see in every shift.

Anyhow, here's a video if I can embed it. Nicole is the one with all the energy. She's hilarious.

Donuts in the Morning Light

Most of the rest of the tutorial was about lighting and animation. I'm not planning on using the animation features (yet), and I'm more worried about lighting in Daz3D. I went through those sections quickly and learned a little along the way.

Anyhow, here we are: the final donuts with morning light streaming through the window. It works for me.

Next up will be trying to create clothing for the Daz3D models. I think I know enough to follow those tutorials, but we shall see...

Three of the kittens have opened their eyes. The fourth refuses to accept the world, which I can totally understand. This is the quintessential kitten picture: One sleeping on her back, two wrestling, and one exploring the world with her nose because she won't open her eyes.

Yes, they are adorable.

So Many Donuts

The donut saga continues. We duplicated and stacked donuts and then applied different materials to each so they could be different colors. The subsurface scattering options have changed greatly since the tutorial was created and I was having a bunch of problems with it, so I definitely need to go back and figure it out, but overall, I think I've kept up with the tutorial.

For homework we needed to create a plate and it was amazing how long it took me when I didn't have instructions to follow. (The one in this render is the plate created in the post-homework section.) But I did figure it out eventually, so I figure I'm making progress.

Anyhow, here are some donuts:

Some of the colors look odd but that might just be because I chose odd colors for donuts. Do they have green donuts? I don't buy donuts very often.

Here are the reasons my tutorial-following has been delayed lately.

They are about a week old now. (I think? They're huge for 1-week-old kittens, but their eyes are still closed. It's all very confusing.) They were found in a car that had been towed here from another county.

So far they are doing really well. I've had a rough start to fostering this year, so I figure I'm due an easy litter about now.

I think there's one more section on the tutorial that covers lighting, which... I hate lighting but maybe if I get better at it I'll learn to love it.

Uncanny Valley of the Donuts

In the next few sections of the tutorial, we make the icing blobbier, give it a color, get into shading files, then geometry nodes (while adding sprinkles) and weight painting, and and and...

There's a bunch of stuff we used in the tutorial that I don't completely understand, but this is how I learn best — use the features in a project and start making the connections as I go. Some of this stuff I've stumbled into while messing with things in Daz3D, like when I wanted to remove the patch on the leather jacket and had to modify a few files to get rid of it.

I do think the donut looked more appetizing in grayscale. It's hit some sort of uncanny valley where it looks more like plastic than food, but that's okay. Maybe I'll stop craving donuts as I finish the rest of the tutorial.

More realistic drips plus color:

And sprinkles!

Honestly, the hardest part was when we scaled the donut down from its previous size of one meter to a more donut-like size and then I had to move the camera position so there wasn't a tiny little donut far in the distance. I should probably figure out better lighting at some point as well, but you get the picture.

Adding Icing to the Imaginary Donut

Today in Blender learning, we duplicated the donut, wiped out the bottom half, solidified it outward to make the icing, and then played with the edges and extruded some drips.

I followed along in the tutorial reasonably well, though I did... something... that made the mesh of the icing disappear into the donut even though I did the stuff to make that not happen. Though clearly I didn't. Have I ever mentioned how hard it is to follow instructions?

Also, at one point there was a break in physics and a couple vertices transported to the other side of the donut, creating an odd bar through the middle. I just deleted those vertices because that seemed like the easiest way to fix it. Is there a weird flat spot somewhere on the icing where vertices are missing? If there is, I haven't found it.

All in all, I'm still pretty close to the desired output.

This tutorial is making me hungry.