I'll Drink To That

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I've decided to take up drinking. Mind you, I expect this to be a fairly temporary thing, and I figure drinking is cheaper, more convenient, and probably much more effective than therapy, so why not?

Anyhow, my career as an alcoholic is being thwarted by my lack of ability to drink most alcohol. Let's face it -- beer is just gross, mixed drinks have way to many calories, and hard alcohol burns my sinuses. That leaves me with one brand of cider that isn't sickly sweet. And naturally, Blackthorn is imported and nobody seems to reliably carry it.

How am I supposed to develop my vices?