An open letter to the people who stole my tools

Hi there, it’s me, the person who used to own all of the tools you took from my garage some time in the past few weeks.

I realize that you may have thought I wouldn’t care that you took the majority of my tools. Maybe you noticed that there were a few things on the outside of the house that still needed fixed. Maybe you figured I was inviting theft by not locking the garage door. After all, you did prove that the locked back gate near the detached garage wasn’t really a deterrent, so I might as well have thrown all the tools into the alley for you to take.

I’m not sure why you needed to take the cordless drill, the corded drill, and the drill press, but perhaps you have a big project coming up. Good luck with that, and don’t forget to put the battery in the charger (which you also took) every fifteen minutes or so. I hope the cd player works well for you. Enjoy listening to “Dream Harder” by the Waterboys, which was in the tray when you took it. It’s one of my favorite albums.

I noticed that you left the sawzall behind. Do you not realize how useful a good sawzall is? Maybe you already have a couple of them. I don’t know.

You also left the router, which I find curious, because you obviously had planned to take it (snug in its hard plastic carrying case) since I found it on the driveway. It’s not all that heavy, and I imagine it would be easier to carry than the drill press, so I’m not sure why you left it behind. Have you never learned the beauty of a well-rounded edge? You really ought to consider those finishing touches that make such a huge difference to the final product.

Anyhow, thanks for leaving the pipe wrenches. The plumbing was installed in the fifties, and it’s liable to break at any moment. And thanks for not coming inside the house. There wasn’t really anything to steal there, but you might have let the cats outside, and the dog would have been traumatized.

Good luck with your big project! Don’t worry about the sawzall and the router. I’ve moved them to a more secure location.

Sincerely,
Theresa